5:30 AM at Philadelphia International Airport

I got here at 4:40 after turning the rental car in. I checked my bags outside because the line inside was ridiculous. I'll let it be known to those that dont know me that I dont like flying. One of my favorite things is watching people in the Airport. It's hilarious. Especially this early in the morning.

Here are the notable performers from this morning's visit.

To my 10 O'clock there is a man with a mowhawk. He's wearing a lambskin coat with the wool lining, ripped jeans and crocs. He's about 50, so the mowhawk is just a tad pathetic. His traveling "partner" is also wearing crocs, the same color. If you didnt catch it by now, they are gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just strange what kind of people are attracted to each other. The non-mowhawk guy has the requisite mustache.

Directly across from me, about 2 feet away is an old man. He looks like Ernest Hemmingway. He smells like him too. He keeps discreatly raising his leg and about 30 seconds after each leg raise, he fidgets. Guess what follows? Yep, the smell of prune juice and grape nuts. It's strange. He just got up. Oh my God! My eyes are watering. That wasnt obvious. He's back. He must not like the smell of himself. His crocs are grey. I'm not kidding. Three grown men within 15 feet of me are wearing plastic/rubber shoes.

Behind me is an obnoxious family from New York. I know that they are from NY because every 45 seconds or so I hear something mentioned about how much better it is there. The dad is loud and the mom is constantly asking him for a straw. The kids are in their pajamas, the boy in Sponge Bob and the girl in pink. The pajamas are too small. The dad is a bit slow. He hasnt picked up on my subtle hints that he should stop moving the chair. In case you cant hear him, he'd like everyone in the tri-state area to know that he doesnt feel well and that he's moving slow this morning. The mom wants him to take charge of the kids while she walks around. She was going to get an egg and cheese panini but didnt want to wait in line. Again, he doesnt feel well. He asked what a panini is, and says that he hasnt heard of one in NY. They are seriously the loudest people in gate A9.

Mowhawk guy is sleeping on mustache man's shoulder.

To my nine O'clock there is a man with his thumb up his nose.

Spongebob's name is Kyle. I've heard that name enough this morning to know that I dont like it anymore.

They are calling for passengers now.

Bye.